"It focuses on a standard that leads to less pleasure and less connection with oneself or partner," he says. Placing emphasis on how long you had sex actually inhibits physical intimacy, according to Braun-Harvey.
If you're self-conscious or concerned about how long your romps last, know that the consensus among sex therapists is that there's no absolute or standard time range for " good sex." Not only does focusing on the time to climax get tricky for male-female partners, but it also leaves out those who never have orgasms or those who can't orgasm with every encounter, which is not uncommon, says licensed psychologist Rachel Needle, the codirector of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. And one of the few studies to explore women's needed length of time before orgasm in an erotic scenario found that it takes an average of 13.4 minutes. Think about heterosexual partners: a man and a woman may not reach orgasm at the same time.Īccording to Cooper, some studies say the median time it takes men to reach orgasm through vaginal penetration is about five to six minutes. If how long sex lasts relates to one partner's orgasm, then it leaves out the timing needed for another partner to reach orgasm, Cooper says. There's an inherent problem with using orgasm as a sexual finish line. (Here are 12 things sex therapists wish you knew). This encourages people to feel more confidant about their erotic desires. When working with clients, Cooper uses the term sex as a large umbrella term that includes an extensive range of erotic and sexual actions that don't always include orgasms. "Many studies leave out a large range of sexual acts and folks who identify with different orientations." "The term sex is not helpful here, as it is most frequently hetero-male focused and may not include sexual scenarios that don't include orgasms," she says. Sex therapist Sari Cooper, founder of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City, says that, generally, what most people think of when they say the word "sex" is a penetrative sexual act that ends in one or two partners coming to orgasm. People may feel sex ends with an orgasm, but others may count cuddling. Then there's the question of when sex "begins" and "ends." The answer may differ depending on who you ask.įor example, some might say sex begins when there is penetration, while others might say it starts during foreplay. What is the definition of sex?īefore we can discuss how long sex should last, there are a few nuances to cover, including the definition of sex itself.įirst, sex can be with yourself, a partner, or more than one partner, according to sex therapist Douglas Braun-Harvey, cofounder of The Harvey Institute, which conducts sexual health trainings and consultations. That's why sex therapists have a lot to say about how long sex should last. Using this phrase can add a level of shame and self-criticism to something that should be all about pleasure and connection, rather than a specific timetable. However, the word "should" can be problematic. And being that vulnerable with another person can have you questioning everything including the best time to have sex, how often to have it, and how long it should last.
Or you might get hung up on whether you're moving too fast-or too slow. You might wonder whether you look OK naked or if you're doing this move right. When using a search engine such as Google, Bing or Yahoo check the safe search settings where you can exclude adult content sites from your search results Īsk your internet service provider if they offer additional filters īe responsible, know what your children are doing online.When it comes to sex, insecurities abound. Use family filters of your operating systems and/or browsers Other steps you can take to protect your children are: More information about the RTA Label and compatible services can be found here. Parental tools that are compatible with the RTA label will block access to this site. We use the "Restricted To Adults" (RTA) website label to better enable parental filtering. Protect your children from adult content and block access to this site by using parental controls. PARENTS, PLEASE BE ADVISED: If you are a parent, it is your responsibility to keep any age-restricted content from being displayed to your children or wards. Furthermore, you represent and warrant that you will not allow any minor access to this site or services. This website should only be accessed if you are at least 18 years old or of legal age to view such material in your local jurisdiction, whichever is greater. You are about to enter a website that contains explicit material (pornography).
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